I actually do think weight loss will help with staying around for the long haul for my kids, and I actually do have a pair of small jeans sitting atop my dresser. My goal jeans. The Levis I bought at the Levi store in Chicago on chorale tour and wore for years until the baby in my womb forever changed my shape.
But God has been pounding a lesson into my heart for a while now, and it's beginning to take shape enough to articulate it. Ted Dekker helped it along over Christmas break through his book Eyes Wide Open. Have you read it? It demonstrates the difference between illusion and truth, and accurately, in my opinion, explains the strength of our illusions and the near impossibility of seeing through them to the truth beyond.
The gal in the book believes the illusion that she is ugly. Then she meets Christ and He tells her the truth, that she is beautiful. She is beautiful because He made her, and He wouldn't make something ugly. And even the hard things of her life, the bits that suck, that devastate, that bowl her over, have beauty in them because God is in the midst of them. He is in the midst of her, and she will not be moved because He will not be moved. Christ challenges her to SEE the beauty that is already in everything, already in her. To believe it's there, to seek it, to find it, to SEE it.
She has beauty because she has Christ. She has worth because she has Christ.
Same as me. Same as you, if you are a follower of Jesus.
On the Weight Watchers app, I tried to truncate that concept. Why do I want to lose weight? Because I'm worth it.
I knew what I meant, but saying, "I'm worth it," sounded all Stuart Smalley to me. "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."
With my undeveloped concept in mind, I got highlights put in my hair yesterday. I knew I was getting highlights because a) I'm worth it, and b) I wanted highlights. But as I sat under the hair dryer being all salon-philosophical, I pondered, "Worth it. What does it mean to be worth it? Worth what?"
The answer came from a Voice not quite my own. (It was probably the hair dryer.)
I'm worth nurturing. I'm worth taking care of. I'm worth loving.
Because I belong to Christ. Because He made me to be nurtured, taken care of, loved. Because He has already made me beautiful, and I can believe it, and seek it, and find it, and see it. The beauty that is in me because Christ is in me. The beauty that is Christ in me.
I'm still trying to wrap my head (in foil, ha ha) around this idea, but I'm already finding new beauty where I thought there was only ugliness, and I'm very much enjoying my new game of believing there is beauty, seeking it, finding it, seeing it.
"You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the LORD,
and a royal diadem in the hand of your God."
~ Isaiah 62:3
Okay, FINE! Here's my hair. GEEZ.