Sunday, June 2, 2013

Hirsute Happenings

My favorite electric razor went missing a few weeks ago. I took it with me in the Jeep to shave on my way to the store, and that's the last place I remember seeing it. I think it may have fallen out of the Jeep in the Fred Meyer parking lot. That's my best guess. I don't know. Anyway, I loved it because it gave my face a pretty close shave, and it was my dad's before he died. I recently found some of his hairs in the beard trimmer, too, so that was sorta special.

Anyway, it went missing. So I pulled out my backup razor, which is the one my mom gave me for my birthday right after Dad died. It's my backup razor because the foil has a bunch of broken bits and it cuts my face a bit, which is no fun at all.

Well, because it was going to be my main razor instead of my backup razor, I decided to buy a replacement foil so I could shave in peace. Not that shaving my face is ever peaceful onaccounta boooooooooooooooo that I have to shave my face and all that, but you know what I mean.

So I researched replacement foils online and found that my local Walmart carried them. Then I found the sidebar part that said, "People who searched for this also searched for..." and there was this super cute PINK electric razor for only a few dollars more than the replacement foil. So then I started researching girly electric razors. I read a lot of reviews and settled on a pink Panasonic wet/dry razor.

(I also got a men's Norelco travel razor to keep in the Jeep so that I can shave at home and abroad without constantly transporting my razor back and forth. The reason I frequently bring my razor when I go out is because if I'm not going out, I don't shave my face, thus giving it a chance to rest and heal, and sparing me the pain of shaving it, both figuratively and literally. I might have manly stubble, but it sprouts out of tender, girly skin that I just don't think is ever going to toughen up. So it always hurts to shave.)

I hate saving instruction manuals, so I discarded the Panasonic's instruction manual straightaway. Then this afternoon, while I was burning paper trash, I found the instruction manual awaiting the fiery furnace and thought I'd better look through it just in case there was some special trick to plugging it into the charger or something. And guess what I found. Instructions for how to properly shave your arms. Who knew?

Well, I'm sure lots of people knew, because apparently, shaving your arms is so common that it's mentioned in the instruction manuals of razors. My sister, who also has hirsutism, got her arm hair removed before her wedding last summer, and even though she said she felt like a t-rex with skinny useless-looking forearms, her arms looked quite lovely. So see? I even *know* someone who successfully removed their arm hair.

I thought about my sister's arms, and I thought about the instruction manual's instructions, and I wondered why in the samhill I'd never shaved my arm hair before. The answer came quite readily. Because when I was ten, my friend told me that if I shaved my arm hair, it would grow back thicker.

I looked at my thick, hairy forearms. I didn't want that hair to grow back thicker. And then I thought, "You know what? It's ALREADY thicker. Not shaving did not prevent me from having hairy forearms."

Then I grabbed my razor and shaved it all off.

Guess what I found underneath!!

Girly forearms! With cute little petite freckles all over them! And the Big Dipper in a freckle constellation! So pleasing!

Then I showed Jeff.

I gushed, "They look like girl arms!"

He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head, amused.

"They looked like girl arms before, too, baby."

I love that man.