Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Wonder Women Wednesday: What's So Funny?

Click here to learn more about Wonder Women Wednesday.

This week, I asked Jeana, "What part of Europe would you most like to visit?"

Read her answer here.

Jeana asked me, "What is the funniest gift you've ever been given?"

It's a tie.

Between this gift:

And this gift:

Here. I'll show you.

Jonathan age 9
Jonathan: What do you call a dinosaur that smells bad?
Me: What?
Jonathan: Exstinky!

James age 11, Jonathan age 9
James: Jon, try.
Jon: I did!
James: Try again.
Jon: I did!
James: Jon, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
Jon: I did try again!
James: Maybe you tried again, but you haven't try TRIED again.

James age 10
Me: James, what do you want for lunch?
James: Dad-made ramen.
Me: Dad-made?
James: Yep. There's Dad-made ramen, and there's James-made ramen. Dad's is better.
Me: Dad-made ramen and James-made ramen. And then there's a third kind! Mom-made ramen!
James: Uh... yeah. Mom-made ramen is like... well... let's just say... if it were a city, King Kong or Godzilla would have gone through it.
Me: What does that mean?
James: Catastrophic!!!

Jonathan age 8
Mom: You are the most important thing in the world. You, James, and Dad.
Jonathan: A three-way tie. The snorer, the hungry, and the neat.
Mom: The snorer, the hungry, and the neat?
Jonathan: Yep.
Mom: So... James is the neat, you're the hungry, and Dad is the snorer?
Jonathan: Exactly.
Mom: Huh. So what am I?
Jonathan: The lovely maiden, of course.

James age 10, Jonathan age 8
JAMES: Benjamin Franklin. He said, "If you sleep with the dogs, you'll wake up with fleas." I tested that.
JONATHAN: How did it go?
JAMES: Not one itch the next morning!
JONATHAN: James, it's a metaphor.

James age 10, Jonathan age 8
JAMES: And they were all just lyin' around Willie Nelson.
JONATHAN: You mean 'willy nilly.'

Jonathan age 8
JONATHAN: What I don't understand is... how come when something gets giant, its voice gets lower?
MOM: It has to do with the decibels that carry, right, Baby?
JEFF: Yeah...
JONATHAN: Okaaayyy... this is all sciencey, and I don't want to hear about it.

James age 10
JAMES: Hey, Mom. What's your favorite song?
MOM: It's a song Dad wrote for me.
JAMES: Oh. Ya mean that one song about all your dead roses that ya keep around?

James age 10, Jonathan age 8
MOM: Boys, please treat each other with respect, A, and B, if you feel disrespected, politely ask your brother to stop, and C, if your brother asks you to stop, stop.
JAMES: Okay.
JONATHAN: (distracted silence)
MOM: Jonathan, what did I just say?
JONATHAN: (very long pause) of the alphabet.

Jonathan age 7
When men are nice to ladies, the ladies kiss the men. Tip for new love: ask how old they are before you marry them. And find out if they’re lying. If they fidget, or look left, or anything that represents lying, don’t marry that one. The real tip is: don’t marry anyone that’s underage. That’s the real tip.

James age 9, Jonathan age 7
JAMES: Did Dobby work in the kitchens at Hogwarts?
ME: Yes. Dobby worked in the kitchens.
JONATHAN: Was he a chef?
ME: Ummm… I don’t know what he did, exactly.
JAMES: Maybe he did the dishes with his snapping power.
ME: Ooo… that would be nice. I’d like to do the dishes that way.
JAMES: So you want to be an ugly elf?
ME: No, but I want snapping power.
JONATHAN: Then you’ll have to be an ugly elf.

Jonathan age 6
Did you know that if you have two mice, then pretty soon, you will have a lot more mice?

James age 8, Jonathan age 6
Jonathan: I’m staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarving…
James: I’m moooooooooooooore starving…
Dad: I’m the most starving because you know what?
James & Jonathan: What?
Dad: I haven’t had anything at all to eat today. I didn’t have any breakfast, and I didn’t have any coffee, and the only thing I’ve put in my mouth today is…
James [disgusted]: Mom’s spit?

Jonathan age 5
Jonathan: The ice is turning to water. It’s evaporating.
Mom: It’s melting.
Jonathan: Well, I say ‘evaporating.’ It’s a bigger word.

James age 7
James: Hey, Mom. I made up a joke. Wanna hear it?
Mom: Sure!
James: Can Saturn take a bath?
Mom: I don’t know. Can Saturn take a bath?
James: Yes, but it might leave a ring!

James age 7
James: Mom, can we call good dreams Night Presidents?
Mom: What gave you the idea to call good dreams Night Presidents?
James: Well, I just thought…since bad dreams are Night Mayors...

James age 6, Jonathan age 4
James: What’s a honeymoon?
Jonathan: It’s a moon dat’s filled wif honey!

Jonathan age 4
Mom: What’s your favorite word?
Jonathan: Intercept
Mom: Intercept?
Jonathan: Yep.
Dad: Do you know what it means?
Jonathan: Nope.

Jonathan age 3
Last week I gave Jonathan hugs and kisses and he frowned, wiped my kisses off his cheek, and growled, “I don’t WANT hugs and kisses.”
I gushed, “Jonathan, I will always give you hugs and kisses until you die.”
Without missing a beat, he replied solemnly, “I died.”

James age 5
Last night, James wanted to go to to look something up, but he doesn’t know how to get to websites by himself yet. He typed in what he thought would be the right address, and it didn’t work but sent him to Google instead, so he came to me and said, “Well, I think I need some help. Do I need to baska-spacky?”
After several moments of confused mental floundering, I finally caught on. “You mean backspace?” Get it? Because C makes two sounds.

Jonathan age 3
Jonathan came to me this morning, grungy toy in hand, and said, “Hideous. This looks hideous. It needs to be washed.” Later, as I vacuumed, he ran into the room, hands covering ears, and bellowed, "It's a cacophony in here!!!"

Jonathan age 3
This morning, Jonathan sat cuddling on Jeff’s lap, his head leaning against Daddy’s tank-top clad chest. Suddenly Jonathan gasped and popped his head up, exclaiming, “Dad! You have hair! On you chest!”
Jeff and I smiled. “Yep, I have hair on my chest,” replied Daddy. “When I was a little boy, my Mommy and Daddy told me that eating vegetables would put hair on my chest.”
Jonathan pulled up his shirt to reveal his smooth, round three-year-old pot belly. “No hair on my chest.”
Daddy asked, “Would you like to have hair on your chest like Daddy?”
“No,” said Jonathan too quickly.
“Why not?” asked Daddy.
“It come falled off your head!” said Jonathan, peering at his dad’s bald spot.
“It fell off my head?” chuckled Daddy. “Where did it go?”
“Here, and here, and here…” said Jonathan as he touched Daddy’s chest, shoulder, forearm. Then Jonathan covered his own head with both of his hands and continued, eyes wide, “I want my hair stayed on my head!”

See? Told ya. :)

How about you? What is the funniest gift you've ever been given? And don't forget to head over to Jeana's blog to read her answer to my question and tell us what part of Europe you'd like to visit.