Thursday, January 17, 2013

Brilliant and Deep

I drop the boys off at school around 9:10am, and my new Thursday Bible study starts at 10am, so I have a little bit of time to kill after I drop off the boys. This morning, as I brainstormed ideas for what to do with that little bit of time, I decided to ask the Bible study leaders if they needed help with setup or whatever.

This is new for me. The old Becky was always scared of people and crowds and new things and strangers and stuff like that. It always took a lot of courage to go to a new Bible study, and I would never have offered to help with setup on my first day. I would have been a timid Bible study consumer.

But today, it just seemed like the most natural thing in the world. The Zoloft world, that is.

Jeana recently sent me a list of ten ways to make sisterhood friends, and the first three things on the list are to pray for friends, be friendly, and be yourself.

Today at Bible study, I was very careful to be myself, especially during the introduction time where we all had to say our names and what fruit we would be if we were a fruit. I always say kiwifruit, and as one of the last to go, I was glad no one else had said kiwifruit onaccounta, you know, I like being unique.

Then the gal right next to me said kiwifruit. D'oh! There went my chance at personal glory. She said she wasn't that fond of the taste of kiwifruit, but she really liked the color because it was brilliant and deep.

When my turn came, I blurted out, "I was going to say kiwifruit also... because I am brilliant and deep."

Everyone laughed, and then I explained that I really chose it because like me, it doesn't make any sense and it's got so many facets. Fuzzy, sour, sweet, seedy, with a pasty core. So I guess I was saying I have a pasty core, whatever that means. And I'm seedy.

"But it's interesting, and you always feel special when you have one on your fruit plate," I babbled, wondering what in the samhill I was saying. And then, to make matters worse, I followed that up with, "so I'm making this group special by my being here."

Good Lord. What were these words coming out of my mouth?

I made it clear that I was still just kidding and fumbled to a halt as quickly as possible. Silently and egocentrically, I waffled back and forth between mortification at myself and the consolation of knowing that I really had been myself, I really was kidding, and maybe somebody in the group would get my sense of humor. Maybe.

My Bible study workbook is on order but hasn't arrived yet, so afterward, the Bible study leader, whose name happens to be Becky, made me and some other gals copies of the first chapter. While we were standing there at the copier, I told her I have a bit of time to kill after I drop off my kids, and I asked if I could help with setup.

Becky's eyes got all big while I was talking, and she immediately exclaimed, "Yes!" Big smile. Then she gave me a hug. "I prayed this morning that someone would volunteer to help with setup," she gushed.

"It's me!" I cheered, waving my hands in the air and grinning. I love that God gave me time to kill and the idea to ask about helping. And I love that it came naturally without even a hint of fear. Zoloft shmoloft. That was Christ in me.

But my favorite part is this: Becky recently found herself swamped with ministry responsibilities, and she mentioned to the Lord that what she really needed was a clone. I love God's sense of humor! Can't you just see Him standing there with a twinkle in His eye? "Becky, meet Becky. Ha ha! Get it? Same name? Your CLONE?!"

My focus this year is giving. As I said, I have always been a Bible study consumer. But not this time. I want to give back. I am discovering already that because my focus this year is giving, God's matching dollar gift to me is joy. As I learn to give, He pours the joy of giving into my soul.

He is brilliant and deep.

"Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of Lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." ~James 1:17