Thursday, September 15, 2011

Building Trust

The depression settled in like a fog this morning.

I was mostly okay until I had to say goodbye to the boys and send them rushing out the door to school. Their departure hit me like a ton of bricks today. I'm not the mom who sends the kids merrily on their way and revels in my alone time. I hate sending them off, I hate saying goodbye, and my favorite time of day is when my cell phone alarm beeps at me, telling me it's time to go pick them up.

But the depression that followed was farther reaching than just having to send the kids away for a handful of hours. And it had started earlier in the morning, truth be told. As soon as Jeff opened his eyes this morning, I said to him, "Tell me everything is going to be alright."

"Well," he slurred, rubbing his eyes, "God is still God."

True. And a good reminder.

"But Dad's death will never be alright. Well, maybe in heaven. I guess it'll be alright in heaven. I just wonder how many other things in life will never be alright until heaven."

Jeff didn't answer. He is capable of saying "God is still God" first thing in the morning, but further articulation requires strong coffee.

I answered my own question. "But God promises peace... on earth."

Then the boys left for school, and the fog came.

It occurred to me that it might be a good idea to tell someone I was down and ask for prayer. I went online to solicit help from my warriors. Instead, one of my warriors had solicited help from me. "Please pray for us..." was all she said.

At first, I typed back, "Praying." I was going to leave it at that. But this warrior always writes out her prayers for me, so I pulled the threads of my own fog apart with my fingers and sent a prayer wafting toward the patch of blue peeking through.

"Abba, my warrior is being attacked this morning, just as I am. Why do You allow this? I see a definite pattern here, so You must have some purpose in it. Maybe to unify us. Anyway, please send Your angels to surround my warrior's home today and do battle on her behalf. Remind her that she does not wrestle against those around her but against principalities and powers and dark forces of this present age. Thank You for sealing her with Your Holy Spirit and protecting her heart and soul from Satan. Please cover her with Your peace today."

I paused. Not sure if that prayer pertained to my warrior's situation or not, but it was sure the prayer I hoped someone was praying for me...

Right. So... Aha! I can pray for myself!

I continued on with my prayer, which took a decidedly preachy turn.

"And I ask the same for myself. Please surround and protect me today, and Jeff and my boys, and do battle on our behalf. Help us all to remember the armor of God. Help us to take up the shield of faith and deflect the flaming arrows of the evil one."

I paused again. I'm very slowly reading One Thousand Gifts, and I just got to the part about thanks building trust. Faith is remembering that God is amazing. How do we do that? By focusing on His amazingness. And how do we do that? By giving thanks.

I finished up my sermon prayer, "Since faith means remembering that You are amazing, help us all to focus with determination on giving thanks. In Jesus' mighty name, Amen."

Well. Fog gone! I had no idea what my warrior needed prayer for, but *I* sure felt blessed!

So. Down to business. Giving thanks.

1) God is still God...