JAMES: Man. If I had a nickel for every time I've seen this showdown scene.
JONATHAN: Better yet, $50!
JAMES: Mom. You know what's *really* at the top of the food chain?
JONATHAN: (On Father's Day) Why don't they have a Children's Day?
JAMES: Remember the comic book character at Grandma Karolyn's house in that one book about [etc].
JONATHAN: Nope. Doesn't ring a bell.
JAMES: You know, it was the one about [etc].
JONATHAN: Ohhhhhhhhhhh, yeahhhhhh...
JAMES: Does that ring a bell?
JONATHAN: Yes. It does. But only a teeeeeeny one.
JAMES: Hey, Mom. What's the one thing it would be impossible to do if you were 35% metal?
JAMES: So, Mom. What's the next old-fashioned TV series that will be made into a movie?
JONATHAN: (peeking in the door whispering) What volume should it be?
MOM: (rolling over in bed) What volume should what be?
JONATHAN: The Wii.
MOM: What volume would you like it to be?
JONATHAN: Mmmmm... seven.
MOM: Jonathan, I love that you came and asked. You are a good man.
JONATHAN: A good rest for you, and a good fun volume for me. I didn't know what you would want, so I decided to ask, you know, before you said [switching to mock nasally whine], 'Turn it down!'"
JAMES: What is one thing that is nearly impossible to imagine?
JAMES: How many words can you make out of the sentence 'What do you eat?'
JAMES: (After watching the preview for Disney's Prom) Man. I will never understand teenagers until I am one.
JONATHAN: (Watching Tron Legacy) Wait. That's animation.
JAMES: Man! The moon is always full in movies.
JAMES: Mom. What's the difference between a stuffed animal and a stuffed animal?
JONATHAN: Flip flop is right! These shoes are flip floppin' right offa my feet!
JONATHAN: How long did that time period last?
MOM: Oh, about a hundred years.
JONATHAN: You mean a century?
MOM: Yep. A century.
JONATHAN: I know what a century is, so you don't have to use the numbers.
KID SONG ON TV: ♪♫ You can be anything... anything that ya wanna be... you can be anything at all...
JAMES: I think they need to be more specific.