Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Harry Potter Mom Translator

Have you seen this SNL clip? Jeff and I laughed all over ourselves. Check it out. (Note: You may need to visit my blog to view this video.)

We've watched all six Harry Potter movies with my mom. She's enjoying Harry Potter, but she just can't seem to remember anybody's names. So I drew up this handy Harry Potter Translator for her to keep as a guide. (I've been adding to it as we go, and yesterday, I accidentally clicked "publish" instead of "save draft" which is why many of you saw this already.) Here, for your giggling pleasure, are Mom's "nicknames" for various Harry Potter characters and terms.

Harry Potter = Harry O'Potter
Dumbledore = Baltimore, Dumbleweed, Dumblewumble, Dumbledorf
Hogwarts = Woghorts
Peter Pettigrew = Peebledobble, Peter Praetoria
Sirius Black = Flackety Blacky, Slick Black, Slippery Sam, Serious George/Frank/Jack
Snape = Scake, Stake
Alastair Moody = The Eye Guy, The Weird Eye Guy
Polyjuice Potion = Jibblejuice
Wand = Light Saber
Animagus = Anamystic
Ron Weasley = Weezilby, The Friend, Wiggsley
Voldemort = Volteemort, Vawldemort, Nylon Stocking Face Guy
Neville Longbottom = The Guy with the Teeth
Draco Malfoy = The Blond Kid
Lucius Malfoy = The White Hair Guy
Hermione Granger = The Girl
Cho Chang = The Other Girl, The Asian Girl
Cedric Diggory = The Dead Kid
Order of the Phoenix = Flight of the Phoenix
Arthur Weasley = "Who's that?" (Every time he comes on screen.)
Molly Weasley = The Lady with All the Kids
Ginny Weasley = The Sister
Dolores Umbridge = The Pink Lady with All the Cats
Bellatrix Lestrange = The Half-Sister, The Cousin
Dementors = Offenders, Defenders, Suspenders

As we've giggled together about Mom's nicknames, she's offered the following explanations:

"If they didn't make so much stuff up, then I wouldn't have to make so much stuff up."

"If I could see these crazy words in writing... but all I get is the English pronunciation!"

"That's not fair. They were working with known words that they'd seen in print. I'm working with unknown words that I haven't seen in print... with an English accent!"

Finally, we showed her the above video about the Mom Celebrity Translator. She's a good sport, and we all had a good laugh about it. And if it actually existed, we could have avoided the following conversation altogether:

Mom: The guy on that cartoon sounds like what's-his-name.
Jeff: Who?
Mom: Big guy. Crass. Dead.
Jeff: We need the Mom Translator.
Becky: John Candy?
Mom: No. He died more recently.
Becky: Chris Farley?
Mom: No. He was older than John Candy, but he just died.
Becky: John Goodman is still alive... Dom DeLuise?
Mom: They probably knew each other.
Becky: Not Jackie Gleason.
Mom: No... Let's see... He used to say things like, "When I was a boy..."
Becky: Don Rickles?
Mom: No.
Jeff: No, the "When I was a boy..." guy would be, uh... oh! I just had his name in my head!
Becky: Oh! The guy with the really big eyes.
Mom: Yes!
Jeff: I get no respect!
Mom: Right!
Jeff: His name starts with a D.
Mom: LOL. Pretty soon we're going to be able to quote his whole act...
Becky: ...and still not remember his name.
Jeff: Rrrrrrrrrrr... Rodney... Dangerfield!
Mom/Becky: Rodney Dangerfield!!!

I'm right behind ya, Mom. The boys already wish they had a Mario Brothers Translator. ;)