Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Nothing to Declare... except Jesus

My friend, Lizzy, informed me today that comments on my blog were closed. I didn't remember closing them. I trundled on over here to check it out, and found my default setting was that Wordpress would automatically close for me all comments on posts older than 14 days. Never been an issue before. So I changed the settings. Now the comments are only closed if I close them manually.

As soon as I re-enabled comments, my friend, Heather, left one. She said she was reading my post "over a month later". I didn't know what she meant. A month since what?

Oh. A month since I wrote the post. Because this is... what month is this, anyway? Is it March?

How could it possibly be March? When did that happen?

Even now, I just had to look to see what day it is today. The 16th. That's over halfway through March. Impossible.

I guess they're right when they say the days run together.

I do know one number for sure. 11 weeks. That's how long it's been since Daddy died. Isn't everyone counting time that way? Isn't December 29th the beginning of a new era worldwide? A new A.D.? That really stands for After Death this time, instead of Anno Domini?

Anyway, I haven't blogged because I didn't realize it had been so long since I'd blogged.

Jeff just asked with mild surprise, "Are you blogging?" When I nodded absently in reply, he commented, "Been awhile."

See? Even Jeff noticed.

I didn't.

It's just been a while since I've had any new information or feelings. Like the part in French Kiss where Kevin Klein shows Meg Ryan which customs line to stand in at the airport in Paris. In his fake French accent. "Nothing to declare... that's you."

Nothing to declare. That's me.

Well, it feels like me. Dad's still gone. I'm still sad. We're still in Idaho helping Mom. We still don't know how long we'll be here. Yup.

But life is going on. In sort of a cruel, mocking way. Time does keep trampling me underfoot as I gasp for air and scream for everything to stop. To rewind.

But in the interest of blogging, I rummaged around in my brain for a topic, and I found one.


I love Oswald.

Chambers, that is.

The other day, he said this:

The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past, I yielded to myself. ...

There is no power within the human soul itself that is capable of breaking the bondage of the nature created by yielding. ... No release or escape from it will ever come from any human power, but only through the power of redemption. You must yield yourself in utter humiliation to the only One who can break the dominating power in your life, namely, the Lord Jesus Christ. ...

When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, "Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like," you will know you can't. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, "He will break every fetter," while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person's life.


Note: You may need to visit my blog to view this video.