Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Coloring History (or: Why I Love Homeschooling)

Did you know that at the First Olympics, all of the athletes actually wore shiny black spandex?

And did you know that in most ancient cultures, nearly all of the women wore little black dresses? Or cute, form-fitting black t-shirts above their grass skirts?

Well, they did.

Just call it History According to Mom.

Our homeschool curriculum is fabulous and we love it. But the Usborne history books are full of naked people! I have never seen a more, shall we say, anatomically correct version of history.

Don't worry. My kids know the ancients were really naked and Mommy just colored their clothes on them. How am I sure? Well, every time James comes across a page I haven't altered, he gasps dramatically, throws himself on the ground, hides his face, and shrieks, "Mom! Mom!" while pointing with one tremulous finger to the offending history book he's discarded.

And out comes my trusty black Sharpie...again.

At first, I felt a tiny bit guilty for re-writing my kids' history books, but I've made peace with God about it. He said in the Garden of Eden, "Put some clothes on!" And I know the world hasn't followed His rules. But that doesn't mean I have to look at it!

Yes, I know. You can say it. I'm a prude. I'm ruining my children's education by narrowing their minds. They're only freaking out because I freaked out first. Blah, blah, blah. I'm sure I'll have to apologize to them for it someday.

Be that as it may, I stand by my conviction that 1st Grade should remain G-rated. And homeschooling gives me the freedom to make it so. Yay for homeschooling!