Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Juror #253

Jeff had jury duty today.

He wore his "don't pick me" clothes. He didn't even shave. No dice. He got picked. He is now one of 12 honorable citizens deliberating a case the details of which shall remain secret under pain of death.

The trial is expected to last until Thursday afternoon.

Here are his funny observations from Day One.

First of all, five things to say to get out of jury duty:
1) I speak Spanish.
2) I work the swing shift, so I've only had 2 hours of sleep, and I wouldn't be able to give the case my full attention.
3) I'm pregnant, so I'll have to go to the bathroom a lot.
4) The defendant's ethnicity will prevent me from remaining impartial.
5) Well, he got arrested, didn't he? Cops don't arrest somebody if they're innocent...

Secondly, during a 10-minute recess which stretched to half an hour, the jurors, most of whom are simply waiting out the rest of the trial to issue forth the guilty verdict, in speculating over the time delay mumbled to each other, "Maybe they're changing his plea..."

Third, Jeff overheard one juror say to a few others, "I'm imagining what this would be like if it were a movie. Who would play the judge, who would play the defendant, who would play the prosecuting attorney...I think the judge would be that guy from..."

And then there was the juror who told his neighbor, "Be sure to elbow me if I start to snore..."

And finally, as the judge finished taking notes on one page of his legal pad and flipped it up to start a fresh page, Jeff noticed not written lines, but a drawing. He began watching the judge and discovered that he was simply doodling all over his legal pad. Later in the jury room, when a clerk entered to pour a cup of coffee, Jeff said to her, "So...I saw the judge doodling..."

She replied, "Well...he has to stay awake somehow...he wants coffee now..."

Incidentally, the jurors are not allowed to bring coffee into the courtroom. Only water. Apparently, this rule does not apply to the judge.

Hopefully, there will be more funny courtroom tales to relay to you tomorrow.